How we adapt and react
Responding To Change
“Life is not the way it is supposed to be. It is the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.” Virginia Satir. In this post, Amanda Gore explains the most common ways we are responding to change, and how we can proactively choose the way we want to react.
We all encounter a change in our lives, some more than others. It can be difficult, but it is also a natural part of life. Often it’s the most obvious things that we lose sight of in this age of super uncertainty, fear and stress.
I found this fantastic quote (above) and thought “Of course!” These past 18 months have been one of tumultuous personal change and fear, for both you and me. And I think that’s why this quote had such an impact on me!
How We Respond Is Important
There is an element of acceptance or surrender that is necessary for us to flow with the tidal waves of life as opposed to the struggle involved in battling the inevitability and relentlessness of those waves. Learning to be present to ‘flow’ is perhaps one of life’s great lessons – for me anyway!
I would like to paraphrase Virginia Satir’s quote:
“It’s what we choose to do with it, that makes the difference”.
Not just how we ‘cope’. We do always have a choice as to how we think (if we are conscious). No one else is in charge of our thinking! Our thinking is what determines how we behave or respond to the tidal waves. And it is the one thing that is totally in our control.
Now, before you mumble “bulls*#*t”, I’d love you to think about it. Once we take a step back and breathe, we have the ability to choose our thoughts – or the ‘story’ we tell ourselves about what has happened or is happening.
With consciousness and personal effort, we can change our habitual way of behaving or reacting.
How Do You Respond?
So, how serene are you? What events – and more importantly thoughts – disturb your equilibrium? Are you able to find peace in the chaos?
Have you ever had equilibrium or a deep sense of contentment? (Mind you, I have not in the past few months!) Have you had a situation in the past where you have just accepted things as they are, and worked with that situation as it evolved? Do you listen to intuition or hunches or gut feelings and use them to guide you?
Or does your mind take control and tell you things are not ‘supposed’ to be like this; that it’s unfair which creates anger and paralyses you with the unjustness of it all? Or that you are not good enough, not lovable, unsafe or separate?
How We Should be Responding To Change
Not long ago, I had a meltdown! I lost control and connection with my heart, and instead of staying present I became reactive. And in this state, I did not do the 3 things I live by and often teach:
- Connect with my heart
- Connect with nature
- Connect with my breathing (take 15 big breaths in, hold and then exhale)
Instead, I only breathed before allowing my thought to race ahead to what might happen, what could happen and focused on all things that could go wrong! In my state, I decided to “phone a friend”, someone I trusted to remind me of the importance of the above 3 things.
In the past, my knee-jerk reaction to stress and fear was to isolate and ‘toughen up’. I would feel ashamed and embarrassed. But there is no shame in seeking help and support when you need it most. I am not ashamed to do that or ask for help because in these times of unprecedented change, creating a community of support is so important.
In times of change, it is more important than ever to have a community of support. When we are faced with events that disturb our equilibrium, it is essential to have people we can trust to ground us and remind us of our truths.
Listen To Your Intuition
Intuition, hunches and gut feelings are your best guides – not what others think, or what others have told you in the past, or what your parents may have embedded when you were a child or perhaps what you hear on mainstream media.
This awareness of ‘inner guidance’ and feelings is a great gift that we are born with but often lose if we do not actively work to maintain this connection.
The key to rediscovering your awareness is to give yourself solitary, quiet time to become sensitive to the intuition you have – and reflect on it. Ask your inner self to give you some indication that you read the hunch correctly and then take action! Before you ridicule this idea, know that it’s the way many highly effective and successful people operate.
Taking gratitude breaks is a great strategy when change becomes overwhelming! When we focus on gratitude, it opens our hearts and allows us to connect with that place of peace inside us. It helps us to get through difficult times by bringing a sense of ease and lightness.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or distressed, discipline yourself to STOP, take a couple of deep breaths, look out on nature if you can, connect with your heart and find gratitude for something – anything!
The Bottom Line
No matter what you think, life IS the way it is. So will you exhaust yourself with constant fear and struggle or will you flow and work on yourself, control your thoughts and do things that bring you joy?
If you are struggling to find ways to connect with your intuition, why not have a chat with me? I know from personal experience how challenging change can be. From personal to professional, I offer an abundance of tools to help you navigate these choppy waters. You can book a session with me now by clicking HERE. Chat soon!